Captain Bonehead Part 2
Tonight, the open mic at the Evergreen Coffee Company in East San Jose was well attended by people of all ages. At the peak, it seemed like there were about 40 people in the audience. Some lovely singing, along with a bag pipe player and a young man who did a spoken word piece that built an interesting mental image of a swamp in the South East US with plants, animals and insects. Sylvia Vo, the host, commented that it was the most unique piece she had ever heard at an open mic.
I debuted a second episode of Captain Bonehead and it went over very well.
NARRATOR: It is time once again for the Adventures
of Captain Bonehead ...and his partner in crime prevention, Lil’ Splinter.
BONEHEAD: Greetings friends, it is I, Captain
Bonehead. ...I have risked life and limb to be with you this evening. ...May I
introduce my companion, Lil’ Splinter?
SPLINTER: Hello everyone. Gosh, Captain Bonehead,
it was a bit of a drive getting here, but it wasn’t exactly dangerous, what are
you talking about?
BONEHEAD: Well, Lil’ Splinter, ...obviously, you
didn’t ride your bike from downtown San Jose.
SPLINTER: No, ...I caught a ride with the Intrepid
Commuter ...and we used the speedy HOV lane on the freeway. ...Captain
Bonehead, we haven’t seen you for a while, ...what have you been up to lately?
BONEHEAD: I have traveled the wilderness in search
of spatial enlightenment.
SPLINTER: Gosh, Captain Bonehead, were you in
Tibet?
BONEHEAD: No, at the AMC Mercado in Santa Clara,
looking for a parking spot. I had tickets for Fast & Furious.
SPLINTER: Gosh, Captain Bonehead, don’t you get
enough speed and fury in your day job?
BONEHEAD: True, but it was Mrs. Bonehead’s
birthday and Hedda, ...that’s my wife, ...Hedda Bonehead, wanted to see
something relaxing.
SPLINTER: Mrs. Bonehead thought Fast & Furious
would be relaxing?
BONEHEAD: In her mind, compared to being married
to a super hero, Fast & Furious was a Sunday drive in the park. ...Besides,
I wanted to see the chase scene with the tank.
SPLINTER: The tank? Why, because it gave you some
ideas ‘bout fighting crime?
BONEHEAD: No, because the tank reminded me of my dear,
departed, Mother, ...Fiona Bonehead.
SPLINTER: Gosh, Captain Bonehead, how on Earth
does a tank remind you of your mother.
BONEHEAD: Obviously, you never saw Mother driving
the family mini-van through rush hour traffic. ...Boy, talk about fast and
furious.
BONEHEAD: We were never late for anything: she was
MY super hero.
SPLINTER: My goodness, what a childhood you had,
Captain Bonehead! ...But when it comes down to it, isn’t every mom a super hero?
...I see you have a guest.
BONEHEAD: Yes, This is my old friend, the Green
Ranger, who is all about cleaning up waste and pollution.
RANGER: Greenings, friend!
SPLINTER: Greenings? Pleased to meet you, Mr.
Ranger, but don’t you mean, Greetings?
RANGER: No, I do mean, Greenings, ...for if we
don’t make the planet more green, soon there will be no-one left to greet
anyone. ...Which reminds me, Lil’ Splinter, what have you done recently to make
the Earth more green?
SPLINTER: I car pooled with the Intrepid Commuter.
RANGER: That’s great! How about you, Captain
Bonehead?
BONEHEAD: Today, I proudly ate my lunch with only
one chopstick.
SPLINTER: Gosh, Captain Bonehead, only one
chopstick? How did you manage that?
BONEHEAD: Well, what started as a mad frenzy of
stabbing became a colossal blood bath, ...and that was only my tomato soup! ...Took
forever to finish my Caesar salad.
BONEHEAD: ...At the end my croutons were so finely
crushed, I could suck ‘em through a straw.
RANGER: Bonehead, you have given us a fine
example of thinking green, ...but in the future, you can use two chopsticks as
long as they are re-usable and non-disposable.
BONEHEAD: Now you tell me, ...after I was finished
stabbing my tomato soup, Hedda, ...that’s Mrs. Bonehead to you, ...looked like
she’d been attacked by a giant pitcher of orange Kool-Aid.
SPLINTER: Gosh, Captain Bonehead, you sure like to
take everything to the extreme.
BONEHEAD: Well, shouldn’t we all live life at the
fullest, ...dance like no-one’s looking, ...smile like there’s no tomorrow ...and
laugh like no-one can hear us? ...I’m sure this audience is with me on that
one. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear you laugh like no-one can hear you!
RANGER: Bonehead, confound it, I can’t believe
I’m going to say this, but by asking the audience to laugh that way, you’ve
made me turn a shade of green that I never thought was possible.
BONEHEAD: It’s amazing what we can achieve when we
put our heads together, Ranger.
SPLINTER: Great Pitchers of Kool-Aid, Captain
Bonehead!
END
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