Captain Bonehead Episode 2

Captain Bonehead Episode 2

Family friendly

Bonehead: heroic voice

Splinter: high voice

NARRATOR:        It is time once again for the Adventures of Captain Bonehead ...and his partner in crime prevention, Lil’ Splinter.

BONEHEAD:        Greetings friends, it is I, Captain Bonehead. ...I have risked life and limb to be with you this evening. ...May I introduce my companion, Lil’ Splinter?

SPLINTER:        Hello everyone. Gosh, Captain Bonehead, it was a bit of a drive getting here, but it wasn’t exactly dangerous, what are you talking about?

BONEHEAD:        Well, Lil’ Splinter, ...obviously, you didn’t ride your bike from downtown San Jose.

SPLINTER:        No, ...I caught a ride with the Intrepid Commuter ...and we used the speedy HOV lane on the freeway. ...Captain Bonehead, we haven’t seen you for a while, ...what have you been up to lately?

BONEHEAD:        I have traveled the wilderness in search of spatial enlightenment.

SPLINTER:        Gosh, Captain Bonehead, were you in Tibet?

BONEHEAD:        No, at the AMC Mercado in Santa Clara, looking for a parking spot. I had tickets for Fast & Furious.

SPLINTER:        Gosh, Captain Bonehead, don’t you get enough speed and fury in your day job?

BONEHEAD:        True, but it was Mrs. Bonehead’s birthday and Hedda, ...that’s my wife, ...Hedda Bonehead, wanted to see something relaxing.

SPLINTER:        Mrs. Bonehead thought Fast & Furious would be relaxing?

BONEHEAD:        In her mind, compared to being married to a super hero, Fast & Furious was a Sunday drive in the park. ...Besides, I wanted to see the chase scene with the tank.

SPLINTER:        The tank? Why, because it gave you some ideas ‘bout fighting crime?

BONEHEAD:        No, because the tank reminded me of my dear, departed, Mother, ...Fiona Bonehead.

SPLINTER:        Gosh, Captain Bonehead, how on Earth does a tank remind you of your mother.

BONEHEAD:        Obviously, you never saw Mother driving the family mini-van through rush hour traffic. ...Boy, talk about fast and furious.

OVER

BONEHEAD:        We were never late for anything: she was MY super hero.

SPLINTER:        My goodness, what a childhood you had, Captain Bonehead! ...But when it comes down to it, isn’t every mom a super hero? ...I see you have a guest.

BONEHEAD:        Yes, This is my old friend, the Green Ranger, who is all about cleaning up waste and pollution.

RANGER:          Greenings, friend!

SPLINTER:        Greenings? Pleased to meet you, Mr. Ranger, but don’t you mean, Greetings?

RANGER:          No, I do mean, Greenings, ...for if we don’t make the planet more green, soon there will be no-one left to greet anyone. ...Which reminds me, Lil’ Splinter, what have you done recently to make the Earth more green?

SPLINTER:        I car pooled with the Intrepid Commuter.

RANGER:          That’s great! How about you, Captain Bonehead?

BONEHEAD:        Today, I proudly ate my lunch with only one chopstick.

SPLINTER:        Gosh, Captain Bonehead, only one chopstick? How did you manage that?

BONEHEAD:        Well, what started as a mad frenzy of stabbing became a colossal blood bath, ...and that was only my tomato soup! ...Took forever to finish my Caesar salad.

BONEHEAD:        ...At the end my croutons were smashed to smithereens.

RANGER:          Bonehead, you have given us a fine example of thinking green, ...but in the future, you can use two chopsticks as long as they are re-usable and non-disposable.

BONEHEAD:        Now you tell me, ...after I was finished stabbing my tomato soup, Hedda, ...that’s Mrs. Bonehead to you, ...looked like she’d been attacked by a giant pitcher of orange Kool-Aid.

SPLINTER:        Gosh, Captain Bonehead, you sure like to take everything to the extreme.

BONEHEAD:        Well, shouldn’t we all live life at the fullest, ...dance like no-one’s looking, ...smile like there’s no tomorrow ...and laugh like no-one can hear us? ...I’m sure this audience is with me on that one. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear you laugh like no-one can hear you!

RANGER:          Bonehead, confound it, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but by asking the audience to laugh that way, you’ve made me turn a shade of green that I never thought was possible.

BONEHEAD:        It’s amazing what we can achieve when we put our heads together, Ranger.

SPLINTER:        Great Pitchers of Kool-Aid, Captain Bonehead!

END